And suddenly i see what has been hidden from my sight for a long time.
I am alone. i am surrounded by people who care about me, if i live or if i die or if i get hurt. That feeling has been missed.
I no longer have anyone to call my own, and somehow that makes me happy. But at teh same time i am intensly jealous of the people that have signiifcant others.
I was once part of that crowd. Now i am a lonely little girl smiling and laughing with everyone but on the inside i shiver and shake. I wait for something else to leave, someone else to abandon me.
Did anyone actually care about me? Or am i just a person to be used? A person who will never know waht true people are?
I have been told that i will be worth nothing my entire life, and ive given into that. I will be the person who will always listen to others problems but who has no one to listen to mine.
My nightmares come and haunt me whenever they feel like it. They come durnign hte day, they come when im sleeping, they come when im hanging with my friends.
It amazes me the fact that i have so many people i can rely on for company now that i am a free spirit. The people i can call up oin te middle of the night about some little propblem or big worry.
People i was told are scary monsters have turned out to be the coolest people ever. There are things you dont do to people; like tell them the person they like is the type of person that they arent. That isnt cool. I was turned away from so many people because of stories my supposed 'best friend' told me. Things that were started by her and things that stuck around her. Things that werent true.
So i laugh at her now. I have all the friends she pushed away from me. I am happier than i ever thought i could be becuase of s card i took from my true best friends deck.
Go out, be spontaneous, and dont worry what others think of you. Be brave, grow a pair, and suddenly you will see who is your true friend. You will see who is menat ot stick by you when the times get rough. You will see the real people, the people who fight off thier own nightmares with laughs and sharp sticks.
So i leave you all with this question; are the people you hang with and the people you talk with real, or are they just masks they wear to hide thier true selves?
Listening to: Hollywood Undead and ICP
Reading: Arkham Asylum
Watching: The Dark Knight
Drinking: Dr Pepper Throwback